who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
