I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
