I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Apparently you make a good broom.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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