You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
someone owes me an orgasm
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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