just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
