Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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