Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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