is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize