Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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