There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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