He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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