dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
