She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
