my soul wont recognize me after tonight
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
