I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
