fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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