my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
