This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
