i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
