I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
