I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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