Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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