Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she peed on how many people?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
