When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
