I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
