We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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