Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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