I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize