And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
