My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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