Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
