You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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