sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
