im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
