I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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