Umm I'm too high to move.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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