why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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