He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
