There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
