Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
