I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize