My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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