would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
