So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize