I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
