his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
