Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
