Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
