It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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