dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
