so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
