Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
there is glitter all over my balls
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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