take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
