You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize