I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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