so explain again why im purple
no
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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