Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
