I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
