Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
