he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
