I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
