a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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