i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
