HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
