We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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