Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
