he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
