No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the condom got lost in my hair
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
