Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
