You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
