I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
