I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize