Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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