Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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