Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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