Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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