just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
