I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm too high and old for this...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
