I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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