When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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