it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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