You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
