smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
