They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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