just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
