In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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