i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
