Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize