come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
