dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
NoShamevember. You game?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
