Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
