1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm too high and old for this...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
