U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
