he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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