Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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