it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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