6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
