I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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