So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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