I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
