You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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