Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
