Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
