No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
