the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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