BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
