Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
