How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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