i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
