If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
