so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize