please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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